Spell words out.

Wow, that sure was a long week. It almost seems like there were two weekends in there.
…Almost. Well, let’s get to it.

This week’s tip comes straight out of The High School Handbook for Padding Out Term Papers. There, along with handy tips like increasing your font size and margins, is a valuable tip that can be used in everyday life as well. Don’t abbreviate. This rings true for every kid who ever wrote out “United States of America” twenty times in one history paper to try to stretch it to four pages. Actually, I suppose I should say “Do not abbreviate, ” because contractions can be just as bad.

You might say, “What’s the big deal?” and I would reply “What is the big deal?” We’re trying to waste time here, people. Every second counts, and you should not be haphazardly conserving time with your accidental time-saving devices. Just try to get into the habit of spelling everything out, and you will find that your time melts away.

Check out how this typical Instant Message conversation can be lengthened by following this simple rule.

What is up, Jonathan?

Oh, hello Samuel. I am not doing much. I am just surfing various weblogs on the World Wide Web.

That is cool. I am watching a football game on television.

Who is playing?

Oklahoma State University and the University of Oklahoma.

My wireless internet connection is messing up, can you call me on my cellular telephone?

Ola Kala. I just need to run down to the Automated Teller Machine machine.

Oh my god! What the fuck? Barbecue.  Et cetera.

You are making me laugh out loud!

So… natural.