The Internet: Part Two (social networking)

social networkingSocial networking (or its scientific name: electronic narcissism) is a relatively new phenomenon, but the concept is as old as time itself. Since before we could speak, Man has wanted to shout about how cool he was to everything within ear shot, and now we can. Here are some useful tips for minimizing your productivity using social networking sites. Remember, the more things you have to distract you, the less day you’ll have to waste, so you’ll want to to use every aspect of these wonderful sites.

You should post something every 30 seconds or so. Be it a picture of your cat in a bowtie, a link to a blog about gravy, a short sentence describing the socks your wearing, or a video of your cat in a bowtie, be assured that people are very interested in what you have to share. Then you need to come back to check for comments to your posts periodically (refreshing the page every 3 seconds is a good pace to set).

Try tracking down any and all people you’ve ever met, and friending/following them. If they’re not on a specific site, go ahead and invite them. People love that, and it will be yet another thing you can check on. The simple act of catching up with a lost friend can lead to a couple hours of chatting. Which reminds me; follow everybody’s links and look at everybody’s pictures. It sure would be a shame if you missed anything going on in the life of anybody hundreds of miles from you, who you talk to once in a decade. Then there’s the people you haven’t met, but want to. You should friend them, too.

Decorate your page. Remember animated GIFs and the early nineties? It’s the same with your social networking pages today. The more stuff on it, the cooler you are. Then, after you’re done decorating it, make a post about it, and redecorate it! Unfortunately, not all sites are that customizable, so you should join them all: Facespace, Myfrenz, Stutter, Ratemydesperation, Sharedshit, and any others you can find.

Make useless lists, and take useless quizzes. Have you ever wondered which North American cabbage-based dish best describes your personality? Have you ever wanted to make an exhaustive list of everything you like, complete with links to other people who like those things? Well want no more! These networking sites can help you accomplish your dreams. Just get clickin’. And don’t forget to post the results to your profile, and check back for comments.

I’m sure you can come up with even more ideas to waste time with social networking. If you have any that I missed, you can contact me at Stutter @Thereisnosuchthingasstutter.


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