Spin it.

SpinThis one’s a little different.  It’s about an important skill that any time-waster should have. It has nothing to do with procrastinating, but is still vital to the process. I mean, of course, the skill of avoiding the shame that comes with doing nothing all day.

There are people like us all over the place. Chances are, you’ve met someone in the past who is an experienced weekwaster, but you never knew. Why didn’t you know? Because, they make it sound like what they do is important. It’s called “spin,” and I’ll show you the ropes.

So you’re at a party, and the inevitable happens. You’re introduced to someone and the first thing out of their mouth is, “So, what do you do?” Alright, follow my lead.

I’m self-employed. There you go. My, my, don’t we sound fancy? Admittedly this one is a bit old, and some people may see through it, but there are still plenty of variations on the theme:

I’m a writer, or the more high-brow I’m a novelist, seem to work well. After all, we’re all planning on writing something eventually, right? But be prepared for the follow-up question, “Oh. Would I have read anything you’ve written?” I like to counter with a “probably not.” If delivered correctly, it gives the impression that you’re too esoteric or underground to be a best seller, while still maintaining the truth that you haven’t done a damned thing.

“That seems a little transparent, doesn’t it?” you might ask. It’s all in the delivery. An easier one, although not as cool is the I’m between jobs right now angle. And it’s true, provided you get another job at some point before you die. Something in the same vein is the classic mumble mumble… the economy… mumble which justifies your unemployment while simultaneously making you seem more politically savvy. Both are good for a little sympathy, and changing the subject in one fluid motion.

You can try the clever approach. What does anybody really do?I like to think we’re more than just our occupations. It’s pseudo-deep, and it puts the shame back on them. Or my personal favorite: I’m pretired. Then you can explain how you’ve bumped up your retirement years to ‘right before the career’, instead of the more traditional ‘after the career.’

But there’s still a trump card in the deck. The most bulletproof comeback to the “what do you do?” question is simple and impressive. Call yourself an artist. It’s a magical phrase. Absolutely anything you’re currently doing can be spun and twisted so it seems like art or at least a study for an upcoming project. And usually people dare not question, lest they seem uncultured. Plus, it’s not like you have your work there to show them. They’ll just have to take your word.

Of course, if none of these work for you could always take the easy way out, and claim to be a blogger.

4 Responses to “Spin it.”

  1. I like “pretired.” Do I get a pretirement party too?

  2. totalblammblamm Says:

    I love these! As an individual who is scheduled to be “rightsized” (not my term) in November from my company, I’m going to be using these all the time.

    Also, bookmarking you!!

    Hello, hi, nice to meet ya. I’m Zan.

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