The Internet: Part 3 (searching)

searchYou need to look up everything, no matter how trivial! When was the last time you were talking with someone and they said something like, “I wonder if anybody’s ever eaten 7 pounds of sugar in under an hour*,” or “how many hamsters could fit in a standard English phone booth**?” In this day and age there’s no excuse for hypotheticals. Look it up.

Use everything at your disposal and cross reference. It is absolutely imperative to your sanity that you find this answer. I highly recommend using Wikipedia, as you’ll most likely get sidetracked (soooo many links), and it will bring up many new questions. For instance, did you know that Jordan and Finland don’t have telephone booths anymore? I just accidentally learned that, and now I must know more.

And when I say search everything, I mean everything. It’s always good to watch TV with a laptop nearby to make quick fact checks periodically. That show just said that licorice is the world’s best-selling candy… that can’t be right. Fact check! Whatever happened to Alfonso Ribeiro? Update time! Ran out of things to do? Google your name!

Don’t forget about Google maps. Oh my goodness, what fun! You should plot directions to your old job and then virtually drive the route using “street view.” Due to the magic of the internet, it will actually take you longer than it would to really drive it (especially if you look around and try to see in windows as you go).

Keep practicing your search skills, and you’ll soon be able to perform complicated searches  to verify utterly useless information. It will consume you so. Let’s try an advanced exercise together.

You’re watching TV, and you recognize the girl in that stupid corn syrup ad. You know you’ve seen her before. Isn’t she the same person in the Lowe’s ad? I don’t know, but I know who does. The internet! Go there. Find out. All you need to do is Google “corn syrup ad girl,” then sift through the first 50 results until you have something useful. Hmm. There’s a mention of Linda someone. Could that be her? You’ll have to image-search that name and see if it turns up any results. Nope, that was the other one. Try again. Oh! YouTube might have a copy of the ad. They always have inexplicable things on there. There it is (Who uploads commercials to YouTube, anyway?). How about if you check the comments? Well, there are a lot of people calling each other gay. That’s not very helpful. Wait, someone mentioned the name of the director of the ad. Now Google his name, and you’ve found his blog. In the 34th post back, he mentions the ad and a name. Image-search the name, and… yes! That’s her. OK. So now it’s just a matter of searching her name and “Lowe’s” and boom… you have your answer. It is the same person. Piece of cake. Turns out her name is Zibby. That’s odd. I wonder how many people in the U.S. are named Zibby… Hey, let’s find out!

So, hours later, you have your answers. Your trivial, piddling, useless, little answers. And yes that took a lot of time, but there’s one more hidden benefit to internet searching for everything.

The more reliant you become on your computer for immediate answers, the less time you’ll want to spend away from it. This will either necessitate you using a portable computing device (cool) or just never leaving the house (awesome). See you on the tubes.

* Of course.   ** about 7471   (Feel free to verify this information on your own, and leave any corrections in the comments)
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One Response to “The Internet: Part 3 (searching)”

  1. Let’s not forget the time I just wasted reading this blog! Thanks for the long entry… my husband is never going to get the computer back.

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