Thinking outside the box

thinking boxI hear it all them time. People say “I’m trying to waste great gobs of time–really trying–but it’s just too hard.” I understand the difficulty of the change. Time to employ some creative solutions.

To switch from a traditional mindset, where you are actually encouraged to do things, to the less conventional (but clearly more rewarding) instant gratification lifestyle can be disorienting, and for some, too much (or too little, actually). But it’s important to buckle down and be consistent in your slothiness for at least the first week. Pretty soon it will feel more natural, and you’ll relax and be able to, well, relax.

So here’s a few tricks for getting through that first stretch with less work. Don’t feel confined to traditional ideas. Week-wasting is week-wasting, no matter the form.

Break a leg.
Or both. It’s no coincidence that it has come to mean, “good luck.” Any form of self-incapacitation is going to make your transition go much smoother. By the time your legs have healed, you’ll be so used to sitting still, you may not even remember how to do stuff.

Or try a coma. It’s about as hard to get into as a good college, but if you can secure your position in coma-ville, you’ll be sittin’ pretty. I’d recommend submitting your application in the form of a head injury, but don’t overdo it. Oh, and don’t forget to find someone to take care of your cat while you’re away.

Get depressed. If bodily injury isn’t for you, you can try to harness the power of depression. It’s pretty contagious, and it can do wonders for your productivity. You can get it by hanging around old folks homes, or from ex-girlfriends. Or you can just head down to your nearest mostly-abandoned mall and pick up a crate of it. Ugh.

Go to jail. Thinking outside the box sometimes involves getting locked inside a box. Not much you can do in there.

There are plenty more great ideas where those came from. Freezing yourself in a block of ice? Getting your leg caught in a bear trap? Living with your parents? The less voluntary the better. Let me know of any you come up with.

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