Watch the Travel Channel.

Let me be clear here; there is absolutely no reason you would watch the Travel Channel for fun, and yet it exists. I couldn’t figure it out for a while, then it struck me. This is cable’s gift to time-wasters everywhere.

It’s one of the greatest channels to leave on all day, because it’s 100% mindless viewing. The daytime schedule is made up almost entirely of lists like “10 Best Beaches for Metal Detecting,” “Countdown of the Fattiest Breakfast Sandwiches,” and “23 Castles: Boring and Big.”

They will always feature something about New Orleans (at least once every day). They’re required to by law. And it will be overlaid by a short burst of generic Dixieland music. That isn’t really a time-wasting tip, just an observation.

The channel’s written at a third-grade level, so you don’t have to think too hard, and there’s usually something mentioned that is wrong, or stupid enough to pick a fight about. Did you know that the Golden Gate Bridge is covered in 50,000 gallons of paint? That’s enough to cover the White House 16 times! Thanks for putting that into perspective, Travel Channel. That’s useful knowledge.

So next time you flip past “12 Things You Probably Already Knew About Mardi Gras,” go back and take a look. It definitely won’t be worth your while, but maybe it’ll help you procrastinate. And that’s… something. Right?

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