In this list of  Fervently Asserted Queries, I will attempt to address the most common feedback I receive.

I don’t get it, why would anybody want to waste time?
In the immortal words of some forgettable episode of the Simpsons, “Well, it beats doin’ stuff… Stuff sucks.”

How can I tell if I did something by accident? Does [blank] qualify as “doing something?”
Many people confuse “doing something” with the amount of work involved. The difference between doing something and not doing something is gray, fluid, and at times the distinction is only in your head. As long as you don’t feel like you’ve “done something,” you’re probably safe.

Say for instance I needed to read a short but important email from a co-worker and respond with a yes or no. I might instead choose to read (and comment on) 7 or so different blog posts. In this example, the physical work required to procrastinate is actually more than the physical work of reading the email, but the payoff is in the “doing something” part. It’s much easier to justify the blog reading, because I like it, and the email reading seems like more work because it involves doing something.

Much of your advice seems counterintuitive. Explain.
Of course. If it was intuitive, you wouldn’t need help figuring it out.

What are your qualifications?
I have a BFA in Art. If that doesn’t qualify me to write about pointless endeavors, nothing does.

I followed your advice, and now I’m useless, penniless, and alone.
May I use your success story as a testimonial to promote my blog?

I think you are very sexy/ funny/ strong/ intelligent/ [another complimentary term].
Yes. You are correct.

Are you free for lunch on Saturday?
I’ll have to check my calendar.


2 Responses to “F.A.Q.”

  1. Matt Sowecke Says:

    are these orange dudes supposed to be you? If so they’re misleadingly svelte.

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